Let's Talk About - Sex Education

Photo by Dainis Graveris on Unsplash

Sex.

It's a big word.

Mostly considered a taboo word in Asian cultures. 

    Firstly, credit goes to Calm Collective Asia (https://www.calmcollective.asia/) whom I found out about during the pandemic season but never got to really check them out properly, until now! One of the reasons why I created my blog was to have a place that I knew I could get reliable resources about mental health (and related topics) and that is why, you can access their resources through the shortcut link on the left side of the blog!

Back to the topic at hand.

    Yes, I was listening to a podcast from Calm Collective Asia podcast (Click here to listen!) about "Why are Asians ashamed to talk about sex?" this morning and it brought to mind about this topic, which is related to mental health in a way too. I would highly recommend a listen - perhaps on your drive home - as it is a really good podcast and definitely brings to the forefront many things that Asian cultures have long avoided to discuss about. I wouldn't go into the details of it, but rather let me share my thoughts about this. 

    Growing up in a traditional, religious Asian family has definitely made me fall into the category of children who grew up with much conservativeness in my family and amongst my peers and in my community. Perhaps you might have experience something similar, perhaps you grew up with a different background. 

    In my childhood (and even now!) and also during my stint as a teacher, I realized that yes, perhaps we do speak about sex education in a sense. 

• The biological make-up of a male and a female (in our Science classes!) and how that leads to babies being made;
• The risks of unprotected sexual encounters (STDs);
• The dangers of drugs and how to protect yourself from rape;
• How to be wary and how to protect yourself from unwanted attention given by strangers;
• How premarital sex should be avoided (perhaps in more conservative / religious circles).

As you can see from above, most of the 'education' is regarding the practical aspect of how babies are made, how to have safe sex, and also the dangers of unprotected and unwanted sex. However, it is still rare to talk about the emotional aspects, the positive and negative consequences of sex, sex being one of the aspects of a relationship or even the joys of intimacy in a loving and secure relationship or marriage.

These quotes from this Dayre article aptly summarises my thoughts:

"So much of sex education focuses on how babies are made, and how to have safe sex. But kids also need to know how sex affects our relationships and personal feelings."

"I feel it’s important to separate positive sex talk from the dangers of sex, because children may confuse the two."

I think one of the issues brought up through the podcast was that all our lives, we're taught that sex is something dirty, something to be ashamed or guilty about, and it was definitely not a topic that could be discussed out in the open in public or with peers or worst still, with parents.

Asians, you know, we're different from the Western people. Our culture is different from them; they speak so freely about sex and 'sleeping around' is a common thing in Western countries, or at least that's what they portray on those Hollywood movies and TV series that most people grew up with. These are stereotypes, and it could have been misguided, but I believe that to be the mindset of the majority in Asian countries. 

Having that kind of mindset has its pros and cons - that I won't go into at the moment. Regardless, having that kind of mindset could result in consequences in other ways.

Making sex out to be 'dirty' and 'something to be avoided' could result in children growing up into teenagers and even into adults not knowing the positive aspects about sex at all - healthy expressions of emotions, love and intimacy etc. This could negatively impact them in not just their future romantic relationships but all relationships as well, considering that these issues are all intertwined, rather than them being stand-alone topics. 

This could also negatively impact our mental health, if we carry a burden or feel like we have something to hide due to a previous experience or maybe even when we're unsure how to feel about a sexual encounter.

Perhaps we thought that all these preconceived notions about sex and related topics magically change for the better when we cross the majority age of 18 or even 21 years. Unfortunately we continue to hold the same beliefs that we are taught to us since young. 

So, parents! That is why proper sex education needs to be taught to our children. 

In the Calm Collective Asia Podcast (Click here to listen!) about "Why are Asians ashamed to talk about sex?", Joo Hymn, a facilitator and creator of sex ed workshop Birds & Bees, by AWARE (Association of Women for Action and Research) candidly talks about how she has started conversations about consent with her own young children - which could be helpful to parents who are struggling with this!

And children needs to be started off young, perhaps below the age of 12(!), as that is when children are curious about how things around them function, and that could include how friendships, relationships and even the society at large functions as well. A teenager or someone who is older might not want to discuss these topics with their parents anymore, and perhaps find their information elsewhere - peers, internet, social media etc. 

So, you're a teenager. Get on the right websites and get yourself educated. Be curious - Ask the right questions to the right people. Even if they don't know the answers, they will direct you to someone who can help you. Your friends may not have the answers you're looking for, FYI! It's infinitely better to ask your parents about something and have a frank discussion with them than trying to look for the answers in the wrong places. 

Leave a comment here or drop me a note in my social media platforms if you have any questions.

Here's to hoping we can create a healthier society, together.

References

Calm Collective Asia, https://www.calmcollective.asia/

Calm Collective Asia Podcast (2021) Why are Asians ashamed to talk about sex? https://open.spotify.com/episode/0mgUJJRocD8qTxl7wHOHwL?si=11646abfb80f4ac2 

Dayre (2020) https://dayre.me/story/8988cf88c3