Let's Talk About: Being Average ... or Having Enough?

Photo by Ksenia Makagonova on Unsplash

I must say, this topic intrigued me.

A friend recommended this podcast by Freakonomics and I listened to it on a drive home after work.

So a little bit about this podcast. It's hosted by a psychologist, Angela Duckworth and an economist (?), Mike Maughan (basically two science-y learned individuals who are renowned in their fields) who provide very interactive and rich discussions on a variety of topics. 

They offer many thoughts (and counter-thoughts!), and I'm only going to be cherry-picking a few things to discuss - definitely not as comprehensive a treatment given by them. So definitely recommend turning it on during your drive (available on Spotify!), and I guarantee you'll have an entertaining ride home :)

***

So the question posed to the hosts was this question:

“I’m trying my best without burning out. Is that ever enough? Is there value in living an average life or even a mediocre life?”

Because the terms "average life" and "mediocre life" was not defined, it was left to interpretation. But there seemed to be a negative connotation surrounding those words. 

At the same time, living the opposite of that (which is what most people are presumed to be doing) seem to lead to burnout.

So what can we do?

Is living an "average life" that bad?

***

During the podcast, Duckworth says:

DUCKWORTH: ... Like, “We need to set high expectations, but not be afraid to fall short of them.” ... I’m pretty good at setting high goals, working furiously to reach them, and then realizing them. ... I am not very good at setting high goals, working furiously toward them, falling short of them, and then, you know, being able to function. Like it just really, really, it really bothers me.

We all want to set amazing goals, strive towards them, and achieve them all. 

Strive for promotion after promotion, be well-known in your field, buy that house in that coveted location, buy that nice car that you've been eyeing, go for that dream vacation, post it all up on social media - to the envy of your friends and family.

But it's likely that we don't. We fall short. 

You don't get the promotion you thought you deserved, you go for the dream vacation and come back tired (and in need of another vacation), you don't feel fulfilled attending to your work, you find the work you do meaningless, you feel burnout after continuously striving for your whole life. 

Then we get disillusioned. Burnout. 

We want an out. But is the out = "average life"?

Is an "average life" good... enough?

What is important to you?

What is good enough for you?

Definitely some changes need to be made. Internally and externally. Maybe a career change. Maybe an exploration of hobbies. Maybe conversations with loved ones. Maybe a change of priorities. Maybe more work-life balance.

Can we live with ourselves?

Not earning as much as your peers. Not being able to try out all the new cafes and brunch places. Not being able to travel overseas as often as you'd like. Comparing yourself in terms of career progression with your peers, or even people who are younger than you that seem to be achieving more than you are.

***

MAUGHAN: ... So Kim Scott, ... has this construct that she calls rockstars and superstars. And the basic gist is that ... [superstars] ... they’re really high performers, they have a rapid growth trajectory, they’re willing to push themselves to the limits and be the source of growth for the entire team. 

But then ... you also need rockstars ... the source of stability within the organization — they have a ton of potential [and really talented], but they’re also really content with what they’re doing.  ... you actually need a lot of these really talented, but potentially slightly less ambitious people who can fill the rockstar roles.

I believe that the concept here (using very cute terminology of superstars and rockstars) - is that there is a space for everyone. 

We do not need to fight with others.

We do not need to be like others. 

We do not need for others to be like us. 

There is value in each of us. 

...

MAUGHAN: ... So it’s not saying you’re not great at what you do, but the expectation is different because the expectation isn’t that I have to you know, be the greatest, be the boss, be the — you know, “every book I write is a New York Times number one bestseller.” ... Marjorie Hinckley, ... always said the key to a happy life is low expectations...

The idea where people were taught that they were special and they could achieve anything that they wanted. 

I believe that's taught to children. To not limit their creativity and their hopes for their future. 

I guess it's okay to be ambitious. 

I guess it's okay to not be ambitious too. 

You can strive to be "a New York Times number one bestseller", but you can also strive to be a "pretty awesome author who writes about the things that he/she is passionate about".

You can strive to be "an astronaut", but you also strive to be a "father/mother who reads to their child every night before bed".

The key is to decide for yourself, what you deem to be important and valuable in your life. 

Is it to be the next CEO of that well-known firm?

Is it to be the next Minister of Education?

Is it to buy a bungalow?

Is it to be a mom?

Is it to have time to spend with your family and have weekly dinners with them?

Is it to buy a cosy apartment?

Is it to live with your two dogs and your parents?

Regardless of what your goal / ambition is, and how it compares to the standards of society. As long as you are able to stand strong and proud in your decisions, can sleep well at night, knowing that you may be living an "average life" in the eyes of the world, but you are living the life that you chose and want. 

Can that really be said to be an "average life" by that definition then?

...

MAUGHAN: ... So Heller and Vonnegut, two of the greatest American authors, are at a party on Shelter Island that’s being given by this billionaire. And Vonnegut ... says to Joseph Heller, “How does it make you feel to know that our host only yesterday made more money than your novel Catch 22 has earned in its entire history?” 

And Heller responds — he said, “I feel fine because I have something he will never have. I have enough.”

Last thought for today.

Enough. What is enough? 

I believe that it's tied closely to the idea of contentment and gratefulness. 

The idea that we don't need to have achieve 'success' in the eyes of others / the world, but just our own. 

We need to decide what 'success' means to us, and put our efforts in to achieve that. 

May we make comparison our dreaded enemy and steer far away from it. Let it be known that everyone is on their own journey.  

And may we make gratefulness our constant companion. 

To drive the point home: do read this article when you are able to. It's a satirical take on what was discussed above. Hope you enjoy it as much as I did (as recommended by Freakonomics!). 

Resources

1. https://www.theonion.com/unambitious-loser-with-happy-fulfilling-life-still-liv-1819575312 (The Onion)

2. https://freakonomics.com/podcast/is-it-okay-to-be-average/ (Freakonomics)